The day after

Well, the news has settled in a bit. We were actually expecting to get negative results, as Jessica started spotting on Friday. But, we tried to hold out hope until we got the official results from the doctors.

So, we're back to the start again. We're going to talk to Jessica's doctor this week to see what learning points we can take from a second failure and how to proceed with the 8 frozen embryos. We are, however, also going to begin to actively pursue adoption by setting up an initial meeting with Kirsh and Kirsh in Indy. As Jessica and I talked about where things stand, we want to make sure that by this time next year we are well on our way, substantively, actually, toward being parents, if not parents already. As Jessica said, we're not getting any younger. I'll be firmly in my 30's by then and Jessica will be leaving her 20's sooner than anyone wants to think. As young as we are, gulp, we're starting to feel our biological clocks thumping loudly. As Beth pointed out to us when she was here to help us recover from surgery, having babies is young peoples' jobs, not old people. We have a window of opportunity and it is still very big, but it will get smaller very quickly.

I'm optimistic, though, with the frozen embryos. Jessica's body has been jammed full of unnatural hormones to induce ovulation. I think that if her body has a chance to reset and she receives embryos in the course of a normal cycle that our chances will improve. I have zero science to base that on, but that's how I feel.

Our friends and family who are reading this know that we won't give up. It didn't take us long to move to that decision. We have back-up with embryos and, eventually, frozen sperm if needed. And adoption will be an option sooner rather than later. This one just sucks because things seemed so right. No hiccups, no dangerous levels of estrogen, plenty of back-up. And negative results. That's pretty damning for rational people like us. If everything goes right, everything should go right. Screw the odds and chances. It should have worked. That's what's pissing us off right now. But, we have no choice but to keep moving forward. And this time we have ammo.