Jessica and I got up nice and early this morning, after having dinner with Keyvan and Christine, Jackie and Dave (engaged, by the way), Brian and Laura, and the fabulous Miss Duriya Russamee, to drive to Carmel for the kick-off ceremony of a month of fertility fun. The run-down: ultrasound = zero cysts = healthy ovaries and the expensive drugs were ordered, all resulting in the quickest ten grand I've seen spent. Doesn't cover meds, of course, but it does cover all office visits and Jessica's surgery. We have a short reprieve through the weekend and then we go up to Carmel most every day next week. Target date remains the 14th of January, but that's a very, very soft date. In August it took two extra days for Jessica's ovaries to swell to the requisite grapefruit-size.
We did find a way to save $300/vial on her super-ovulation meds, which is good. That should save us over a grand on the whole kit and kaboodle. Man, this crap is expensive.
Jessica dutifully went to work upon returning to Bloomington. I went home to try to nap (tee hee) and played a few hours of Lego Indiana Jones with Duriya.
Tuesday, December 30, 2008
Monday, December 8, 2008
Breathe Deep before diving in
Today marks the first day of a new journey. This whole weekend I felt as if I was on the edge of a precipice--like one of those cars in the cartoons that is teetering precariously on a cliff. A stiff breeze would knock you over, tumbling down the valley below.
This morning the wind blew the car off the precipice. I called the Nurse to double check our dates for the procedures and timing of meds. She started me on birth control pills again too, just to make sure everything falls where they want it (i.e. January 14th for the retrieval, and 3 days after that for the transfer). I do have a bit of a reprieve as I won't become a human pin cushion for another week and the daily visits to the blood lab and ultrasound room won't start until the week after next. Merry Christmas! Santa brought me a stocking full of sharps and hormones this year!
This round I've decided to cut a lot of extraneous stuff out of my diet, which is not altogether a bad thing. All the meds (including the birth control pills) put my body through the ringer so I need to make sure I have a lot of fluids in my system. I am not going to drink alcohol even before the retrieval date mostly because my kidneys are working overtime to filter out all this junk and I don't want to push them. So much for the Christmas day tradition of Chinese food, doritos and champagne! I am also going to try to cut out the caffeine. I'm not much of a caffeine hound, in that I only drink 1 cup of fully leaded coffee a day, but it is very strong, and I just don't want to take the risk as caffeine has been linked with miscarriage. Oh how I do love my one cup o'joe though! I will have to take the weaning experience slow. I don't imagine that a supercharged hormonal attorney going cold turkey on coffee would be a pleasant thing for innocent bystanders (i.e. my husband and co-workers) to experience.
I find it serendipitous that as we begin this cycle again we find ourselves thick in the season of Advent, the season of waiting for the birth of Jesus . Now, Clint and I are beginning our own season of advent, of waiting for the birth of a child. I pray for the patience I need to endure the waiting. I pray for the faith I will need to strengthen me through the next month, come what may.
At church this past Sunday there were a number of readings from a little known prophet, Habakkuk which resonated with me. Perhaps resonated is not strong enough of a word. Rather, they reached into my body, touched my heart and felt its ache. I cannot tell you how many times since we started down this path that I have railed something akin to the prophet's statement, "O Lord, how long shall I cry for help, and you will not listen?"
After our first round I know that I will no longer be pie-in-the-sky optimistic but I do not want to be roundly pessimistic either. I need to strike an emotional balance between the two. Whatever the result of this next round of fertility procedures, I need to be able to embody the spirit found in this passage (Habakkuk 3:17-19):
Though the fig tree does not blossom,
and no fruit is on the vines;
though the produce of the olive fails
and the fields yield no food;
though the flock is cut off from the fold
and there is no heard in the stalls,
yet I will rejoice in the Lord;
I will exult in the God of my salvation.
God, the Lord, is my strength;
who makes my feet like the feet of a deer,
and makes me tread upon the heights.
If you know me, you know that I am not one for quoting scripture as it usually comes off sounding hollow and self-righteous. However, there are times when the tone is appropriate and now I find immense strength in that passage. I want to cleave to it to find my balance. What we've gone through, and what we're doing again, is not for the feint of heart or the weak of will. I need to gather my strength wherever and however I can. I must have faith that whatever happens, we will have a child whom we love and adore and make a part of our lives.
This morning the wind blew the car off the precipice. I called the Nurse to double check our dates for the procedures and timing of meds. She started me on birth control pills again too, just to make sure everything falls where they want it (i.e. January 14th for the retrieval, and 3 days after that for the transfer). I do have a bit of a reprieve as I won't become a human pin cushion for another week and the daily visits to the blood lab and ultrasound room won't start until the week after next. Merry Christmas! Santa brought me a stocking full of sharps and hormones this year!
This round I've decided to cut a lot of extraneous stuff out of my diet, which is not altogether a bad thing. All the meds (including the birth control pills) put my body through the ringer so I need to make sure I have a lot of fluids in my system. I am not going to drink alcohol even before the retrieval date mostly because my kidneys are working overtime to filter out all this junk and I don't want to push them. So much for the Christmas day tradition of Chinese food, doritos and champagne! I am also going to try to cut out the caffeine. I'm not much of a caffeine hound, in that I only drink 1 cup of fully leaded coffee a day, but it is very strong, and I just don't want to take the risk as caffeine has been linked with miscarriage. Oh how I do love my one cup o'joe though! I will have to take the weaning experience slow. I don't imagine that a supercharged hormonal attorney going cold turkey on coffee would be a pleasant thing for innocent bystanders (i.e. my husband and co-workers) to experience.
I find it serendipitous that as we begin this cycle again we find ourselves thick in the season of Advent, the season of waiting for the birth of Jesus . Now, Clint and I are beginning our own season of advent, of waiting for the birth of a child. I pray for the patience I need to endure the waiting. I pray for the faith I will need to strengthen me through the next month, come what may.
At church this past Sunday there were a number of readings from a little known prophet, Habakkuk which resonated with me. Perhaps resonated is not strong enough of a word. Rather, they reached into my body, touched my heart and felt its ache. I cannot tell you how many times since we started down this path that I have railed something akin to the prophet's statement, "O Lord, how long shall I cry for help, and you will not listen?"
After our first round I know that I will no longer be pie-in-the-sky optimistic but I do not want to be roundly pessimistic either. I need to strike an emotional balance between the two. Whatever the result of this next round of fertility procedures, I need to be able to embody the spirit found in this passage (Habakkuk 3:17-19):
Though the fig tree does not blossom,
and no fruit is on the vines;
though the produce of the olive fails
and the fields yield no food;
though the flock is cut off from the fold
and there is no heard in the stalls,
yet I will rejoice in the Lord;
I will exult in the God of my salvation.
God, the Lord, is my strength;
who makes my feet like the feet of a deer,
and makes me tread upon the heights.
If you know me, you know that I am not one for quoting scripture as it usually comes off sounding hollow and self-righteous. However, there are times when the tone is appropriate and now I find immense strength in that passage. I want to cleave to it to find my balance. What we've gone through, and what we're doing again, is not for the feint of heart or the weak of will. I need to gather my strength wherever and however I can. I must have faith that whatever happens, we will have a child whom we love and adore and make a part of our lives.
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