Chat with Dr. Colver

First, we decided to wait on investigating adoption until we talked with Dr. Colver about our options. We're not giving up on it, but we watched an informational DVD from the law firm who is pretty influential in Indiana and decided we just don't have the energy or time to dedicate to an adoption search right now. Besides, the DVD kind of turned us off of that firm. Lots of information, and we don't doubt their sincerity, but it just felt wrong for us.

Second, we chatted with Dr. Colver Thursday by phone. He said we can move forward with transferring the frozen embryos whenever we are ready. The way it works is they thaw out three and see if they revive. They keep thawing them out until they have three that are progressing and they implant all three in Jessica the next day. So, the first three could revive, leaving us with 5 remaining frosties, or it could take all 8 and none could revive. We'll just have to see. But, he was hopeful that doing this in the course of a natural cycle would produce results for us better than a transfer two days after Jessica's been pumped full of hormones for weeks. Also, the embryos that were frozen look fantastic, so that's another thing going for us.

However, Dr. Colver did throw a warning wet blanket on things. Because we changed tactics this past IVF cycle, we don't have anything to base our experience off of. First time we transferred on Day 5. Things looked so good on day three that we pushed it back. Between Day 3 and Day 5, the quality and viability of our embryos fell off rapidly, to the point that only two were kicking on Day 5, and them not looking hot.

Because we went on Day 3 this past IVF cycle, we didn't have an opportuninty to see if the same thing would happen a second time; that things looked good on Day 3 and fell off by Day 5. We'll probably find that out to some extent because of how the frozen transfer works (implantation on Day 4, essentially). We have to be prepared that if we notice a falling off of quality and viability, this just might not be meant to be. My sperm could just be such bad quality that this isn't going to happen, no matter if it's Day 3, 4, 5, or 15.

But, we don't know, and we have frozen embryos, and they look really good, and we don't have to pump Jessica full of estrogen, so there's no reason to not give it a try. Dr. Colver just warns us that the pessimistic perspective has a real good shot at being reality. We kind of knew that. We've kind of known that all along. I think, though, that this is the first time that he was so blunt with us.

Next Steps Already

Jessica has already scheduled a meeting with Kirsh & Kirsh in Indy to begin the adoption process. We also have a follow-up appointment with Dr. Colver to discuss when we can move forward with the frozen embryos and the strategic options (sorry, it's the MBA in me) we hold for those embryos. Thaw 4 with the stats that it's a 50% chance they revive and begin to divide again? What happens if they all revive? Do we use 3? Can they be thawed and refrozen? Lots of questions to discuss with him.

The day after

Well, the news has settled in a bit. We were actually expecting to get negative results, as Jessica started spotting on Friday. But, we tried to hold out hope until we got the official results from the doctors.

So, we're back to the start again. We're going to talk to Jessica's doctor this week to see what learning points we can take from a second failure and how to proceed with the 8 frozen embryos. We are, however, also going to begin to actively pursue adoption by setting up an initial meeting with Kirsh and Kirsh in Indy. As Jessica and I talked about where things stand, we want to make sure that by this time next year we are well on our way, substantively, actually, toward being parents, if not parents already. As Jessica said, we're not getting any younger. I'll be firmly in my 30's by then and Jessica will be leaving her 20's sooner than anyone wants to think. As young as we are, gulp, we're starting to feel our biological clocks thumping loudly. As Beth pointed out to us when she was here to help us recover from surgery, having babies is young peoples' jobs, not old people. We have a window of opportunity and it is still very big, but it will get smaller very quickly.

I'm optimistic, though, with the frozen embryos. Jessica's body has been jammed full of unnatural hormones to induce ovulation. I think that if her body has a chance to reset and she receives embryos in the course of a normal cycle that our chances will improve. I have zero science to base that on, but that's how I feel.

Our friends and family who are reading this know that we won't give up. It didn't take us long to move to that decision. We have back-up with embryos and, eventually, frozen sperm if needed. And adoption will be an option sooner rather than later. This one just sucks because things seemed so right. No hiccups, no dangerous levels of estrogen, plenty of back-up. And negative results. That's pretty damning for rational people like us. If everything goes right, everything should go right. Screw the odds and chances. It should have worked. That's what's pissing us off right now. But, we have no choice but to keep moving forward. And this time we have ammo.